'I want to do' versus what 'I should do' versus what 'I'm currently doing'

I know I have a tendency to blather on about what 'I want to do' versus what 'I should do' versus what 'I'm currently doing'.

I 'SHOULD' be going to college and making something of myself. I know that having children is an awesome experience. But for someone personally....there's got to be something more out there. Something more than cleaning and doing laundry......I also feel like I 'SHOULD' be working.....

I am 'CURRENTLY' a stay at home mom and housewife. With no education that's worth anything and next to nothing work experience. Who is a chronic daydreamer that wants to travel, go to parties, and gain a vast understanding of the world around me. Of course I can still possibly do those things. The problem is I probably won't do them while I'm young. That's what bugs me. That's what eats at me. I also bitch about not attending college, when it's no one's fault, but my own. It can't be helped though in a way since Boo isn't in school quite yet.

What I am yearning 'TO DO'? I want to write, but ever since Candace ditched me. I have kind of lost the interest......I can't quite focus. When I do manage to get something out I work on it so much, I get burnt out, and don't want to touch it. I want to own a business, but I am math illiterate. I wouldn't mind being a paranormal investigator, but without a televised network. You're really nothing except a starving artist with fancy utensils.

My God......I have become cliched and typical. If I was wearing a knitted hat and sitting in a coffee shop. I would be a like every other yuppy hipster clicking and clacking away on a blog. Being obsessive and incessant about their life or lack thereof. Now I feel totally disgusted about myself.......

ON GOING TO COLLEGE

My heart is filled with anxiety and fear about the future. My future. That I can possibly make something more of myself. Add to something that is already there.

I also have a strong hope and urge. That I can do this. That I can use it to pull me through.

I am reallyon the edge for this college thing. I know if I can accepted. That I won't back down.

When friends become frenemies or lesser social individuals

I love trying to give advice to a friend and she takes it wrong. Tries to turn it around on you. Tries to make herself seem more intelligently accentuated. More superior, and better off than you.

Someone you have had to lie to in order to make feel better.
Because in some ways she is an extremely neurotic person with fluctuating standards of self-worth and personal worth for other people.

Someone you allow to come over for a couple of weeks. That nearly eats you out of apartment and home. After you have acquired nearly 2 months worth of groceries. Criticizes how you live your day to day life. Complains about your children, yells at them, and tries to tell them what do.

Tries to lord the fact that she goes to college over your head. Like if you're not attending like her. You are insufficient and a waste of life.

Believes, although she will not admit it, "I am not good enough for anyone and nobody is good enough for me." Which repels men, and sends them backpedaling. As well as pushes friends away.

Claims not to be a mooch. Although SHE is jobless. Taking foodstamps from someone with a child. Moving in with a guy and having him pay for all the bills while dragging a room mate along with her.

And the list goes on. Right now you're probably thinking that I'm the horrible friend. Which you maybe right or maybe you're just like her and feel offended.

An early anniversary surprise.

                               Well, I and my husbands anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (Feb. 22nd).
We just got it confirmed yesterday that I am pregnant. We are hoping and praying that it is a boy. This will be our 3rd child. We have two girls already, and after this child we are both planning on getting fixed.
                              Because I can only have children by C-Section, and you should never have more than three c-sections. It can become increasingly dangerous each pregnancy for both mother and child. I have to have a ceserean because my uterus is underdeveloped and I cannot dialate even when my water is broken or my labor induced.

                             I really didn't want to be pregnant again at first. I just turned twenty one, and wanted to kind of live it up. Also because our financial situation isn't that great to begin with. We're living in a two bedroom apartment, and drive a small car. Plus my husband only works part time. So we're going to have to find a bigger place, get a bigger car, and he's going to have to ask for a position with full time hours. No, he doesn't work in fast food, he actually works for warehouse retail. I'm probably going to have to get a job, or get to working for my GED so I can get my butt into college.

                           But I know in the end that everything will work out. That somehow everything will fall into place, and that's this baby will bring more love and will be loved. It will be our anniversary surprise.