I would like to give my most sincerest apologies. To one of my best friends in the entire world. I talked a bunch of mess out of my ass about her. Out of blind anger. And I am terribly sorry for it. I hope she knows that.
I would delete the posts. But it was a major event in my life. My marriage was falling apart, I was pregnant, I was losing friends including myself.
I completely lost my identity. I was giving a piece of myself to this person and this situation. Until I gave and gave until there was nothing left of me. Just a shell. A silence if you will. I didn't do anything. Mainly because I didn't want to do anything. I stabbed alot of people in the back. And at the time I didn't care. I hurted. So everyone else should too.
I wasn't a good person. I didn't want to be. Nothing good was happening for me.
A few months after my nastiness. We lost a good friend. And I knew the best friend I hurt. Was probably dying inside from the loss. But I was too ashamed of how I left things. To pick up the phone and call her. Or even text her. I cried not only because of the valuable person we lost. But because of the person I was letting down. The person who I was leaving alone to deal with so MANY things.
Several months after that. The grief and the anger at myself and the pain I had been holding in. Wouldn't leave me be. I tried so hard to bottle the feelings. To ignore them. Scream at them in my head. But to no avail.
I missed her pretty bad and surprisingly she had missed me too. I honestly don't think I deserve her forgiveness. Or if I still have it after her reading this blog. But I would do anything to earn it back.
