Tuesday, February 28, 2012

THINK WHAT YOU WANT

I do not expect people to share my beliefs or opinions. They are an acquired taste. Sometimes sweet, mostly bitter, and a little jagged to swallow. Do I believe I am always right? No. Do I want to be always right? Of course. Though it would get rather droll. Do I consider myself high strung? Yes. It is a blessing as well as a curse. I take it in stride, as well as lapses. But it is who I am. I am a difficult person to like and even more difficult to love. I am accepting of people, but sometimes not their beliefs. I am not religous, though the morals I do have. They are my strongest convictions. It is hard to keep my trap shut. But when I feel that something is wrong, and I affirm that it is wrong. You will never get me to agree otherwise.
I care about what my friends and family think. More than I care about what I think. Most of the time I find myself bending over backwards to please them and put them before myself. I hardly ever make any 'me' time. Afraid of if I piss someone off. I will lose them. One of my greatest fears is to be alone, especially with my thoughts. I over analyze things alot. To see every logical perspective, of every situation. This seems like a good thing, but it is the worst. When someone says or does something to me. I play it over and over in my head. Thinking of what they meant or how they meant it. Usually giving my thoughts away to the logical negatives.
I will once again reiterate, most of the time, you will NOT like what I think or what I say. Just like I probably will not like what you think or what you say. I try to keep quiet, unless it is something absurd. Or I have been keeping it in for a long time. Because all the while I am keeping it in, I am going over every possibility, the implications my thoughts have. And what initiated the thought in the first place. Usually going with the negative.
I front that I am a sarcastic, smart mouthed, and confident badass. I am not. I am probably more insecure than my most shyest friends. I take almost every thing someone tells me personally to heart. It is really hard for to forgive and forget. Which most of the time, I end up holding grudges. I am so afraid of being alone, I will become a doormat, if it means keeping them around. I am extremely loyal to my friends, even if they are less than trustworthy. Even if they are horrid to me, I will come sauntering back like a kicked puppy. I do not like having my personal relationships thrown in my face. If you're my friend. You're my friend. If you aren't. You're aren't. You don't have to keep me around for sympathy. I am empathetic enough as it is. Love me for who I am, or don't love me at all. If I do snap or argue with you, it is not because I am attacking you personally. If I wanted to attack you personally, I would physically attack you. If I am not doing that, then we are good.
I will continue being who I am. Just like you will continue being who you are. Although people do change. Either for the better or for the worst. Sometimes changing for whatever reason is best for them. Even if you do not agree. I will continue fighting for what I believe is right. Just like you will do for yourself. We may not see eye to eye, but I hope we can have the decency to meet in the middle.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

99.9.9.9.9.9% OF THE TIME

You ARE going to hate what comes out of my mouth. People who know me personally know I am very vulgar, blunt, and offensive. Though they know I am a diamond in the rough. I don't do it for attention or what have you. It is just my logic is very blunt and critical. Sometimes cynical. I don't think very highly of people, until I get to know them. Other than that, they are a patch of existence with a name. This sounds bad. I know.

You must learn to ignore certain things I say or skip over things I write. Because 99.9.9.9.9.9% I am going to offend you. I f YOU ARE offended easily. Then I AM NOT. The friend for you. Jussayin.

If you can overlook it or ignore it. Peachy keen you must be!Because I am an awesome friend or at least an ally, even if you don't like me much. Because I will decimate and assimilate any unlucky bastard who crosses your path. IF they deserve it. Free of charge.