My letter to my dad and brother.

I have heard that since you have gotten out of jail. That you and dad have messed up. If this is true then:

Do NOT call us.

Do NOT write us.

Do NOT come over.

Do NOT message me.

Either you or dad see us in public, act like you didn't, and go on your way.

I REFUSE. REFUSE! REFUSE! REFUSE! ABSOLUTELY refuse. To allow any crackheads, meth addicts, and etc to interact with my children that I know about. I WILL NOT put my kids through the same exact shit that dad did and have them emotionally scarred. Where I would get promised something several times and dad NEVER came through. I dislike Bob my mom's fiance, but at least he HAS been there when he can and could.

For over 10 years Bob has clothed Steven including myself, Bob has fed us, Bob has kept a roof over our heads, Bob has gone to school activities and performances, Bob has paid for field trips, Bob has helped get us a car, Bob has taken us on trips and family vacations.

What the HELL has dad done? What? I remember starving and my friends and neighbors having to feed me. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember going to school shoeless and a teacher buying me shoes. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember being locked in the house taking care of a toddler aged Steven for hours on end, alone. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember dad promising to take me places, but never did. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember going birthdays and Christmases without getting a visit or phone call from dad. While he was on crack and heroine.

If dad expects me to put them through the same thing. He is fucking out of his damned mind. Already he would rather drink with Elizabeth and Seth on the weekends with their crack headed asses than see his grandkids. Already he would rather be with some skanky disease ridden bitch than spend time with his grandkids. Already he would rather be at a titty bar than spend time with his grandkids.

And you. You're just as shameful and horrid as he is. If you two are up to what I think. Which I'm pretty sure you all are.

If he can get drunk with those fucking ignorant ass crackheads. Ooops. I mean "family". And if he can be with a dumb bitch, and if he can go to a titty bar with a BUNCH of filthy, disgusting, low grade sack of skin for human beings that are especially disease ridden strippers or shall I say skeezes?

THEN HE CAN SPEND AT LEAST 1-2 WEEKENDS A MONTH WITH HIS FUCKING GRANDKIDS. OR HE NEVER HAS TO SEE THEM AT ALL. Because whether or not he's on drugs. Him NOT seeing them for whatever lame ass excuse is unacceptable.

Honestly it's getting to the point that I don't want anything to do with either of you. I already don't want anything to do with Henry, Brenda, Elizabeth, Seth, or Dezerae. Because trash is trash and always will be trash no matter how it smells. If I've gone this long without you. I can live my whole life without either of you soundly. Its no skin off of my nose. And the kids barely know either you or dad. So it wont hurt them if they never see you again. They wont be able to miss you, if they dont know you. And you two are already starting to prove that ya'll could give 2 shits whether you know them or not.

Always proud of myself!

I can honestly say I'm always proud of how I handle my pregnancies. Although this will be my last one. (Still hoping that it is a boy.) I'm a caffeine addict, hardcore. But while I'm pregnant I cut down my soda consumption to 1 or 2 glasses a day, or none at all, while at home. Unless it's none caffeinated sodas. When I go out to eat I drink Tropicana punches, house lemonades like:blackberry, strawberry, passion fruit. Etc. Or I'll drink one cup of raspberry tea. And then have lemon water with a little bit of sugar after I finish the cup of tea.

I can have the worst headache or muscle pain in the world. But I NEVER take any pain relievers. If my head hurts THAT bad, I'll get in the bath, or take a couple small sips of coke. That's what mainly stops your headache or migraine in most pain relievers. A small amount of caffeine.

The only thing I take while pregnant is a daily multivitamin. Prenatals are too strong for me. They cause me to vomit and shake. So I take a daily multivitamin and a B super complex.

I take better care of myself when I'm pregnant, than when I'm not.

Cam4free.com

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Betty White making burgers for her zombie husband........

I had a weird dream last night. I was dreaming about zombies, but it wasn't a scary dream. In a part of that dream Betty White's husband was a zombie, but he still functioned like a person, but had cravings for humans. By now everyone is probably like.....o.0'......but anyways.
He apparently missed Betty's homemade hamburgers,but didn't want no beef. lol He was hankerin for a brain burger. So during this zombie apocalypse Betty goes out in the middle of the street and decapitates this man with a giant axe. And hauls his head off to her kitchen. Me being curious (even in my dreams) follows her. She knows I'm following, and shows me inside.
She takes a power saw and begins cutting the top of the skull off, and retrieves the brain. Then goes through the process of making your average hamburger. But with some thinking meat. I sit back and watch her. Adding seasonings and kneading the "meat". Which I guess technically it is.
I give her a look of scrutiny and she looks at me while shaping a patty in her hand and says all huffily, "Zombie or not. When Betty White's husband wants a burger. She makes him a fucking burger."
I'm not going into the rest of that dream, but I just wanted to tell about that part.

Does anybody else have random, off the wall dreams?

Someday......

Someday I hope that I have followers on my blog. Maybe I will. Especially when I get my books and poetry published. That would be totally awesome. And if I never have them. At least I'll have a chronicle of my day to day life somewhere on the internet forever.
Isn't that a weird concept? Even if you were to delete all of your online accounts. There is still going to be some kind of tidbit of your existence on the internet. Even after you gone. How people steal pictures, videos go viral, people copy and paste something off your profile.
Your great,great,great,great grandkids could one day come across a youtube video of you half naked, shitfaced, dancing on a table with a lampshade atop your head. Makes you think twice about things you upload and write.

An early anniversary surprise.

                               Well, I and my husbands anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (Feb. 22nd).
We just got it confirmed yesterday that I am pregnant. We are hoping and praying that it is a boy. This will be our 3rd child. We have two girls already, and after this child we are both planning on getting fixed.
                              Because I can only have children by C-Section, and you should never have more than three c-sections. It can become increasingly dangerous each pregnancy for both mother and child. I have to have a ceserean because my uterus is underdeveloped and I cannot dialate even when my water is broken or my labor induced.

                             I really didn't want to be pregnant again at first. I just turned twenty one, and wanted to kind of live it up. Also because our financial situation isn't that great to begin with. We're living in a two bedroom apartment, and drive a small car. Plus my husband only works part time. So we're going to have to find a bigger place, get a bigger car, and he's going to have to ask for a position with full time hours. No, he doesn't work in fast food, he actually works for warehouse retail. I'm probably going to have to get a job, or get to working for my GED so I can get my butt into college.

                           But I know in the end that everything will work out. That somehow everything will fall into place, and that's this baby will bring more love and will be loved. It will be our anniversary surprise.

My letter to Myspace

Dear Tom or whoever answers his mail these days,




...I am terribly disappointed in the effort to create a 'New&Improved' Myspace. You have created a media whore website that no longer resembles a networking site.




The log in page is a joke especially how it takes you to the 'Flavor of the Week's' profile page. What if I or another person don't want to see that person's profile page? Is there an option for that?




The user's profile page is something to laugh at as well. It looks like a cheap imitation of a picasso painting. It's all scrambled and jumbled like a 3 year old's art project.




Also .I love one of your choices on categories: 'No Value'. So not only do you disreguard your users networking. Their opinions,comments,questions, and concerns now have 'No Value'? Am I correct? Because if not please do explain.




I am sorry to tell you this but Facebook and Twitter deserves your users if you cannot design a better website. At least on Yahoo, Vampirerave,etc. They have a 'Classic View'. Because they're considerate of their users and apparently you are not. It's whatever makes you money right?




One last thing. What was wrong with peoples personalized backgrounds? Why must we have yours or none at all? Alot of people work their asses off to create and personalize those to their liking.




I'm looking forward to your response,




Dez Gonzalez

So do you think I will get a response? Why or why not? If I do I'll post their reply email.