LADY GAGA:SOMEBODY I HATE TO LOVE

It is an unavoidable fact. Lady Gaga will go down in Pop Culture history as one of the most contoversial stars of our time.

From her crazy hairdos&don'ts. To her outrageous outfits&nofits. To what comes out of her mouth&what doesn't. Things she would rather you watch a music video to understand. Than verbally express it.
...
All in all. When I watch, read, or hear something about her. It either makes me do 1 of 2 things. Applaud or cringe.

Things I applaud:

Trying to teach acceptance&tolerance of the LGBT community.

Speaking out against domestic abuse, child and spousal.

Becoming an advocate for anti-bullying.

Things that make me cringe:

Her support of Obama

Her hints at The Occult and Illuminati

Some of her fashion choices

And the latest, Gaga being completely vague about whether having an abortion or not. In every interview about her new vid 'Marry the Night'. She seems HIGHLY uncomfortable when the questions become personal. And politely asks for them to watch the video and come to their own decision.

I've seen clips of 'Marry the Night' and it looks like she's telling the story of getting an abortion. A regrettable one at that.

Rumors are she lost her virginity to rape that resulted in a pregnancy. And was cause. Although not just cause in obtaining an abortion. Though now in interviews centered around it. She seems numb, detached, and withdrawn. Some could say all those emotions are due to the rape. (If it happened. Remember we are dealing with rumors.) But I believe differently. I think her pain is half and half. I believe she may have chosen differently. Knowing what she knows now. From the looks of it. She's distraught over terminating her child.

Why I think this is because what the doctor tells her in the video, "I remember when I delivered you." That struck a chord with me. Out of all the things that were said to her during that ordeal. She choose to put THOSE words in the music video. Why those? If she doesn't regret it? Why mentally shut herself down during questions and quietly asking for you to watch for yourself.

Of all the things I could socially hate her for. This is is not one of them. Everytime I see her in such a discussion. I just want to hug her and hold her. Let her know she is forgiven.

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Comments from my Facebook Blog:

Abby Seal Stephanie (AKA- Lady Gaga) Is much more intelligent then most people will give her credit for. I respect her because she actually expresses herself through her music. It always has a deeper meaning. As for the music and video thing, The meaning is there in the music, it's just that the video goes with it. She uses both mediums to properly get her point across. We may never know if she got an abortion and/or how she feels about it. She is a controversial figure who is outspoken about many of her beliefs. It should be taken as strange that this is one subject she wishes to remain silent about for the time being.

As for supporting Obama and her fashion choices- Hey, nobody's perfect. And anyway she had admitted in many of her songs to being a willing slave of the music industry. She'll do whatever they tell her to and if it's get behind Obama... Then hell... Why the eff not, right? The girl knows how to write music. I'm happy as long as she doesn't do what 30 seconds to mars did and turn Obama's inaugural speech into a song. =_= one that was really freaking popular I might add.

In the music industry today a few facts are prevalent among many artists today
1) They don't write their own music

2)They are stupid idiots that do whatever they can for money

3)They can't carry a tune with out help from Auto-Tune

Lady Gaga on the other hand goes against many of those things except the money thing and she admitted that yes- she's a sell out and she wants it to be that way.

I have respect for her even if I don't like her music sometimes.

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Destiny Gonzalez I respect her. But you don't have to like someone to respect them. Just like you don't have to respect someone to like them.

As for selling out. Power to her! In all honesty. If and when I become a published writer. I am completely content with being a sell out. Either I can put up a struggle just to resign and give in anyway. Or I can just hand myself over and reap more benefits.

My two favorite quotes that would undoubtedly apply to me in this situation. :

From SLC Punk, "I didn't sell out. I bought in."

And,

Cobra Starship 'Prostitution is the world's oldest profession'- "Go on believe if it turns you on. Take what you need til your body's numb. Prostitution is revolution. You can hate me. After you pay me. Me submission is your addiction. So just get out while you can."

I want a shirt that says, "You can hate me. After you pay me."
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Abby Seal LOL I'll make one for you
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Destiny Gonzalez I'll proudly wear it too.

ON GOING TO COLLEGE

My heart is filled with anxiety and fear about the future. My future. That I can possibly make something more of myself. Add to something that is already there.

I also have a strong hope and urge. That I can do this. That I can use it to pull me through.

I am reallyon the edge for this college thing. I know if I can accepted. That I won't back down.

HOPING FOR A LASTING EFFECT

Andrew messaged me today. Saying that he has quit drinking as of Sunday. Mainly because of me. I really don't care what his reasoning was in stopping. I'm just glad that it happened.

I'm really hoping. That he's telling me the truth. That he's not lying to me. Trying to get me off his case. Or that he falls off the wagon. He said that I scared him straight. With the things I told him.

I just want him to do well. I just the best for him. I know that he's hurting over Candace. But there's more to life than pain.

I HAVE CAUSE TO APOLOGIZE

I would like to give my most sincerest apologies. To one of my best friends in the entire world. I talked a bunch of mess out of my ass about her. Out of blind anger. And I am terribly sorry for it. I hope she knows that.
I would delete the posts. But it was a major event in my life. My marriage was falling apart, I was pregnant, I was losing friends including myself.

I completely lost my identity. I was giving a piece of myself to this person and this situation. Until I gave and gave until there was nothing left of me. Just a shell. A silence if you will. I didn't do anything. Mainly because I didn't want to do anything. I stabbed alot of people in the back. And at the time I didn't care. I hurted. So everyone else should too.

I wasn't a good person. I didn't want to be. Nothing good was happening for me.

A few months after my nastiness. We lost a good friend. And I knew the best friend I hurt. Was probably dying inside from the loss. But I was too ashamed of how I left things. To pick up the phone and call her. Or even text her. I cried not only because of the valuable person we lost. But because of the person I was letting down. The person who I was leaving alone to deal with so MANY things.

Several months after that. The grief and the anger at myself and the pain I had been holding in. Wouldn't leave me be. I tried so hard to bottle the feelings. To ignore them. Scream at them in my head. But to no avail.

I missed her pretty bad and surprisingly she had missed me too. I honestly don't think I deserve her forgiveness. Or if I still have it after her reading this blog. But I would do anything to earn it back.

Sooo......erhm......

I feel really unappreciated lately. I don't know why. It may be because of being pregnant or I have a case of the melancholy.
It seems like none of my friends want to talk to me or hang out. And Sam has been kind of distant. I feel kind of alone. You know? I'm practically my own island right now. I wish I had other inhabitants. Maybe things will get better and turn around.....I hope.

My thoughts on conformity that I sent to Corvidae on Witchvox

(Disclaimer: This is my actual belief on conformity.)

On your one piece. Not criticizing. But everyone is a comformist. To consider yourself "non-conformist" is to throw yourself into the group of other 'non-conformists'. Hence making you a conformist. Also if you listen to a certain band, wear certain clothes, etc. All that groups you in. Conformity is the act of grouping.

Being a conformist doesn't keep you from being an individual. Individuality is the core that defines someone as a human being. But conformity is a humane trait we have assessed as a means of survival.

Once again not criticizing.

I did like the piece by the way and I love Starhawk!

One of the many things that makes people useless.........

If you don't like my opinion you can take it or leave it. I really don't care about what people think about what I have to say. I don't care if it hurts you, if it makes you mad, confused, or whatever the fuck it makes you feel. I'm saying it because 'I want' or because 'I need' too.


I also HATE......being called a 'noob'. What the hell is a noob? It sounds like a brand of nipple for a baby bottle or a pacifier. Also don't be nice to me on your account just because I'm new. I've been on forum's for QUITE A WHILE.....I've also been watching Ghost Hunters since it first aired.

Just because Jason and Grant have a way of doing things...doesn't mean you should follow everything they do to a T. It actually makes it seem like you are not capable of forming your own thought process and have no mental free will of your own. Even a follower must learn how to lead. And if you can't learn to lead. Then your place in life....is honestly....useless. You have proven that you can't be of a service. Not saying that followers don't serve a purpose at all, but they have to be able to adapt to an alpha position.

The Taps Website- 18+ Forums

I will admit I like The TAPS forum. It's much more grown up, and professional than VampireRave.

But one of the things I severly dislike almost to the point of total loathing is the skeptics. Who love to tear things apart rather severly if a person's story or evidence was a human body it would be mutilated beyond recognition. Yes, people have their opinions. But there is a difference between friendly opions and unmerciful criticizing.

I for one do not like having my beliefs insulted. I believe in God and Jesus, but I am not and do not claim to be Christian because of differing views and how I feel about modern day 'Christian Society'. But I DO BELIEVE in demons and demonic activity. I also believe in malevolent entities outside of demonism. And I believe demons and these malevolent beings can kill people. If they can move objects for long periods of time. Then they have the strength to end a person. Especially if they can kill an animal.

I also do not appreciate my mom's intellect, experience, and title to be mocked. You can't get certified as a paranormalist, but you can as a parapsycologist (sp?).

Some people are just idiots. Or are so miserable they have to go out of their way and take somebody else down with them. Maybe they should try Prozac or a nice lude.

Ovarian Cysts

Lately I have been hearing about alot of teenage and young adult girls that I know who are getting them. Cysts can seem benign, but can eventually become hazardous especially if you want children.
I feel sorry for most of them. Because they are SOOOO YOUNG! What is causing this increase? It's scary. Devastatingly scary.

Welcome to the World Wide Shitfest!!!!!

Today Japan has had 2 earthquakes, about to have a nuclear power plant meltdown, Chile now has a wicked whirlpool, Hawaii was on fire, and we have a dozen fires burning in Oklahoma. Today has been lovely!

Is this one of those days when God is warning us, "Shape up or.......1 earthquake, 2.......still no? How about a killer bathtub for Chile?"

Maybe Mother Nature is pissed. Or its just random events of calamity? Who knows right?

When friends become frenemies or lesser social individuals

I love trying to give advice to a friend and she takes it wrong. Tries to turn it around on you. Tries to make herself seem more intelligently accentuated. More superior, and better off than you.

Someone you have had to lie to in order to make feel better.
Because in some ways she is an extremely neurotic person with fluctuating standards of self-worth and personal worth for other people.

Someone you allow to come over for a couple of weeks. That nearly eats you out of apartment and home. After you have acquired nearly 2 months worth of groceries. Criticizes how you live your day to day life. Complains about your children, yells at them, and tries to tell them what do.

Tries to lord the fact that she goes to college over your head. Like if you're not attending like her. You are insufficient and a waste of life.

Believes, although she will not admit it, "I am not good enough for anyone and nobody is good enough for me." Which repels men, and sends them backpedaling. As well as pushes friends away.

Claims not to be a mooch. Although SHE is jobless. Taking foodstamps from someone with a child. Moving in with a guy and having him pay for all the bills while dragging a room mate along with her.

And the list goes on. Right now you're probably thinking that I'm the horrible friend. Which you maybe right or maybe you're just like her and feel offended.

My letter to my dad and brother.

I have heard that since you have gotten out of jail. That you and dad have messed up. If this is true then:

Do NOT call us.

Do NOT write us.

Do NOT come over.

Do NOT message me.

Either you or dad see us in public, act like you didn't, and go on your way.

I REFUSE. REFUSE! REFUSE! REFUSE! ABSOLUTELY refuse. To allow any crackheads, meth addicts, and etc to interact with my children that I know about. I WILL NOT put my kids through the same exact shit that dad did and have them emotionally scarred. Where I would get promised something several times and dad NEVER came through. I dislike Bob my mom's fiance, but at least he HAS been there when he can and could.

For over 10 years Bob has clothed Steven including myself, Bob has fed us, Bob has kept a roof over our heads, Bob has gone to school activities and performances, Bob has paid for field trips, Bob has helped get us a car, Bob has taken us on trips and family vacations.

What the HELL has dad done? What? I remember starving and my friends and neighbors having to feed me. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember going to school shoeless and a teacher buying me shoes. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember being locked in the house taking care of a toddler aged Steven for hours on end, alone. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember dad promising to take me places, but never did. While dad was on crack and heroine. I remember going birthdays and Christmases without getting a visit or phone call from dad. While he was on crack and heroine.

If dad expects me to put them through the same thing. He is fucking out of his damned mind. Already he would rather drink with Elizabeth and Seth on the weekends with their crack headed asses than see his grandkids. Already he would rather be with some skanky disease ridden bitch than spend time with his grandkids. Already he would rather be at a titty bar than spend time with his grandkids.

And you. You're just as shameful and horrid as he is. If you two are up to what I think. Which I'm pretty sure you all are.

If he can get drunk with those fucking ignorant ass crackheads. Ooops. I mean "family". And if he can be with a dumb bitch, and if he can go to a titty bar with a BUNCH of filthy, disgusting, low grade sack of skin for human beings that are especially disease ridden strippers or shall I say skeezes?

THEN HE CAN SPEND AT LEAST 1-2 WEEKENDS A MONTH WITH HIS FUCKING GRANDKIDS. OR HE NEVER HAS TO SEE THEM AT ALL. Because whether or not he's on drugs. Him NOT seeing them for whatever lame ass excuse is unacceptable.

Honestly it's getting to the point that I don't want anything to do with either of you. I already don't want anything to do with Henry, Brenda, Elizabeth, Seth, or Dezerae. Because trash is trash and always will be trash no matter how it smells. If I've gone this long without you. I can live my whole life without either of you soundly. Its no skin off of my nose. And the kids barely know either you or dad. So it wont hurt them if they never see you again. They wont be able to miss you, if they dont know you. And you two are already starting to prove that ya'll could give 2 shits whether you know them or not.

Always proud of myself!

I can honestly say I'm always proud of how I handle my pregnancies. Although this will be my last one. (Still hoping that it is a boy.) I'm a caffeine addict, hardcore. But while I'm pregnant I cut down my soda consumption to 1 or 2 glasses a day, or none at all, while at home. Unless it's none caffeinated sodas. When I go out to eat I drink Tropicana punches, house lemonades like:blackberry, strawberry, passion fruit. Etc. Or I'll drink one cup of raspberry tea. And then have lemon water with a little bit of sugar after I finish the cup of tea.

I can have the worst headache or muscle pain in the world. But I NEVER take any pain relievers. If my head hurts THAT bad, I'll get in the bath, or take a couple small sips of coke. That's what mainly stops your headache or migraine in most pain relievers. A small amount of caffeine.

The only thing I take while pregnant is a daily multivitamin. Prenatals are too strong for me. They cause me to vomit and shake. So I take a daily multivitamin and a B super complex.

I take better care of myself when I'm pregnant, than when I'm not.

Cam4free.com

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Betty White making burgers for her zombie husband........

I had a weird dream last night. I was dreaming about zombies, but it wasn't a scary dream. In a part of that dream Betty White's husband was a zombie, but he still functioned like a person, but had cravings for humans. By now everyone is probably like.....o.0'......but anyways.
He apparently missed Betty's homemade hamburgers,but didn't want no beef. lol He was hankerin for a brain burger. So during this zombie apocalypse Betty goes out in the middle of the street and decapitates this man with a giant axe. And hauls his head off to her kitchen. Me being curious (even in my dreams) follows her. She knows I'm following, and shows me inside.
She takes a power saw and begins cutting the top of the skull off, and retrieves the brain. Then goes through the process of making your average hamburger. But with some thinking meat. I sit back and watch her. Adding seasonings and kneading the "meat". Which I guess technically it is.
I give her a look of scrutiny and she looks at me while shaping a patty in her hand and says all huffily, "Zombie or not. When Betty White's husband wants a burger. She makes him a fucking burger."
I'm not going into the rest of that dream, but I just wanted to tell about that part.

Does anybody else have random, off the wall dreams?

Someday......

Someday I hope that I have followers on my blog. Maybe I will. Especially when I get my books and poetry published. That would be totally awesome. And if I never have them. At least I'll have a chronicle of my day to day life somewhere on the internet forever.
Isn't that a weird concept? Even if you were to delete all of your online accounts. There is still going to be some kind of tidbit of your existence on the internet. Even after you gone. How people steal pictures, videos go viral, people copy and paste something off your profile.
Your great,great,great,great grandkids could one day come across a youtube video of you half naked, shitfaced, dancing on a table with a lampshade atop your head. Makes you think twice about things you upload and write.

An early anniversary surprise.

                               Well, I and my husbands anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (Feb. 22nd).
We just got it confirmed yesterday that I am pregnant. We are hoping and praying that it is a boy. This will be our 3rd child. We have two girls already, and after this child we are both planning on getting fixed.
                              Because I can only have children by C-Section, and you should never have more than three c-sections. It can become increasingly dangerous each pregnancy for both mother and child. I have to have a ceserean because my uterus is underdeveloped and I cannot dialate even when my water is broken or my labor induced.

                             I really didn't want to be pregnant again at first. I just turned twenty one, and wanted to kind of live it up. Also because our financial situation isn't that great to begin with. We're living in a two bedroom apartment, and drive a small car. Plus my husband only works part time. So we're going to have to find a bigger place, get a bigger car, and he's going to have to ask for a position with full time hours. No, he doesn't work in fast food, he actually works for warehouse retail. I'm probably going to have to get a job, or get to working for my GED so I can get my butt into college.

                           But I know in the end that everything will work out. That somehow everything will fall into place, and that's this baby will bring more love and will be loved. It will be our anniversary surprise.

My letter to Myspace

Dear Tom or whoever answers his mail these days,




...I am terribly disappointed in the effort to create a 'New&Improved' Myspace. You have created a media whore website that no longer resembles a networking site.




The log in page is a joke especially how it takes you to the 'Flavor of the Week's' profile page. What if I or another person don't want to see that person's profile page? Is there an option for that?




The user's profile page is something to laugh at as well. It looks like a cheap imitation of a picasso painting. It's all scrambled and jumbled like a 3 year old's art project.




Also .I love one of your choices on categories: 'No Value'. So not only do you disreguard your users networking. Their opinions,comments,questions, and concerns now have 'No Value'? Am I correct? Because if not please do explain.




I am sorry to tell you this but Facebook and Twitter deserves your users if you cannot design a better website. At least on Yahoo, Vampirerave,etc. They have a 'Classic View'. Because they're considerate of their users and apparently you are not. It's whatever makes you money right?




One last thing. What was wrong with peoples personalized backgrounds? Why must we have yours or none at all? Alot of people work their asses off to create and personalize those to their liking.




I'm looking forward to your response,




Dez Gonzalez

So do you think I will get a response? Why or why not? If I do I'll post their reply email.