99.9.9.9.9.9% OF THE TIME

You ARE going to hate what comes out of my mouth. People who know me personally know I am very vulgar, blunt, and offensive. Though they know I am a diamond in the rough. I don't do it for attention or what have you. It is just my logic is very blunt and critical. Sometimes cynical. I don't think very highly of people, until I get to know them. Other than that, they are a patch of existence with a name. This sounds bad. I know.

You must learn to ignore certain things I say or skip over things I write. Because 99.9.9.9.9.9% I am going to offend you. I f YOU ARE offended easily. Then I AM NOT. The friend for you. Jussayin.

If you can overlook it or ignore it. Peachy keen you must be!Because I am an awesome friend or at least an ally, even if you don't like me much. Because I will decimate and assimilate any unlucky bastard who crosses your path. IF they deserve it. Free of charge.

HOPING FOR A LASTING EFFECT

Andrew messaged me today. Saying that he has quit drinking as of Sunday. Mainly because of me. I really don't care what his reasoning was in stopping. I'm just glad that it happened.

I'm really hoping. That he's telling me the truth. That he's not lying to me. Trying to get me off his case. Or that he falls off the wagon. He said that I scared him straight. With the things I told him.

I just want him to do well. I just the best for him. I know that he's hurting over Candace. But there's more to life than pain.

I HAVE CAUSE TO APOLOGIZE

I would like to give my most sincerest apologies. To one of my best friends in the entire world. I talked a bunch of mess out of my ass about her. Out of blind anger. And I am terribly sorry for it. I hope she knows that.
I would delete the posts. But it was a major event in my life. My marriage was falling apart, I was pregnant, I was losing friends including myself.

I completely lost my identity. I was giving a piece of myself to this person and this situation. Until I gave and gave until there was nothing left of me. Just a shell. A silence if you will. I didn't do anything. Mainly because I didn't want to do anything. I stabbed alot of people in the back. And at the time I didn't care. I hurted. So everyone else should too.

I wasn't a good person. I didn't want to be. Nothing good was happening for me.

A few months after my nastiness. We lost a good friend. And I knew the best friend I hurt. Was probably dying inside from the loss. But I was too ashamed of how I left things. To pick up the phone and call her. Or even text her. I cried not only because of the valuable person we lost. But because of the person I was letting down. The person who I was leaving alone to deal with so MANY things.

Several months after that. The grief and the anger at myself and the pain I had been holding in. Wouldn't leave me be. I tried so hard to bottle the feelings. To ignore them. Scream at them in my head. But to no avail.

I missed her pretty bad and surprisingly she had missed me too. I honestly don't think I deserve her forgiveness. Or if I still have it after her reading this blog. But I would do anything to earn it back.

Sooo......erhm......

I feel really unappreciated lately. I don't know why. It may be because of being pregnant or I have a case of the melancholy.
It seems like none of my friends want to talk to me or hang out. And Sam has been kind of distant. I feel kind of alone. You know? I'm practically my own island right now. I wish I had other inhabitants. Maybe things will get better and turn around.....I hope.

When friends become frenemies or lesser social individuals

I love trying to give advice to a friend and she takes it wrong. Tries to turn it around on you. Tries to make herself seem more intelligently accentuated. More superior, and better off than you.

Someone you have had to lie to in order to make feel better.
Because in some ways she is an extremely neurotic person with fluctuating standards of self-worth and personal worth for other people.

Someone you allow to come over for a couple of weeks. That nearly eats you out of apartment and home. After you have acquired nearly 2 months worth of groceries. Criticizes how you live your day to day life. Complains about your children, yells at them, and tries to tell them what do.

Tries to lord the fact that she goes to college over your head. Like if you're not attending like her. You are insufficient and a waste of life.

Believes, although she will not admit it, "I am not good enough for anyone and nobody is good enough for me." Which repels men, and sends them backpedaling. As well as pushes friends away.

Claims not to be a mooch. Although SHE is jobless. Taking foodstamps from someone with a child. Moving in with a guy and having him pay for all the bills while dragging a room mate along with her.

And the list goes on. Right now you're probably thinking that I'm the horrible friend. Which you maybe right or maybe you're just like her and feel offended.